The Limerick Toastmasters Club

The Limerick Toastmasters Club

by Andrew Jones

Here’s the story of one of my quests

To face up to life’s challenge and tests.

As such, I declare,

Madame contest chair,

Toastmasters and most welcome guests.

I was eating some chips, peas and cod

With my favourite stepdaughter, Blod,

When she made me quite scared

As she glibly declared

Her engagement to her boyfriend Rhod.

This was the news I was dreading!

I knew now where all this was heading.

I should have felt happy

But was soiling my nappy

That I might have to speak at her wedding!

To give a speech: heaven forfend!

But I knew that was how it would end.

As my mouth turned to dust

I knew that I must

Consult the witchdoctor, my friend.

He sent me for Guinness and grub

To O’Leary’s, an Irish themed pub.

At the back of their floor

Is the magical door

To the Limerick Toastmasters Club.

By an iconic bust of St Kilda,

I was greeted by SAA, Hilda.

I then met their resident

Immediate past president

Mats, which is short for Matilda.

She said:

To prevent you from feeling dystopic

Or your worldview becoming myopic

You can compete

To talk on your feet

We call it a table topic.

I thought that my topic went well

(On Dante’s nine circles of hell)

My fear abated,

I felt quite elated,

And my confidence started to swell.

But I lost all my sense of elation

For a speech that required preparation.

I just couldn’t write,

With my increasing fright,

And a smidgen of procrastination.

Has your fear turned you into a quaker?

Each person can be a risk taker!

Let go of despair:

You just need to prepare -

Next week you give your icebreaker!

Do your talks leave you feeling quite shivery?

Did your speech have its impact, or didn’t he?

Get your information,

From an evaluation,

Based on content, structure and delivery.

The whole thing was getting quite fun.

But I didn’t know more than thing one.

So they gave me a mentor –

Her name was Magenta –

And she showed me how it was done.

I decided to rise up the ramp,

Towards being a Toastmaster champ,

When I heard of a rumour

About “Engaging Humour”,

Which I found on the Pathways BaseCamp.

Now you may find our sessions quite flitty;

But at the back of it there’s nitty-gritty.

The roles all need manning,

And meetings need planning.

So we need you on our committee.

"There’s only one role left, and that’s

VP Education," said Mats.

"It’s an interesting slot.

You’ll enjoy it a lot.

It’s very much like herding cats."

I compete, now I’m more in the loop.

Against this most talented group.

They’re very bright sparks,

And to earn judges marks,

There’s no depth to which they won’t stoop!

I’ve almost got over my scare.

I think that I’m nearly there.

But the glorious sight

Of that lovely green light…

Makes me say: Madame contest chair.